Getting Unstuck in the Game of Life
3 Strategies for When You're Feeling Stuck in Life
When I was young, my biggest problems revolved around getting stuck in video games. I lived with a lineup of half-finished cartridges, each abandoned at different stages of frustration, until my mom would eventually tire of my sulking and step in to help.
Fast-forward to today: I’m sitting here with PMS, surrounded by packing boxes and a to-do list longer than a Skyrim side quest menu. That dumb kid had no idea how good she had it, starting with a mom who cared enough to tag-team whatever trivial problem she was facing.
(Love you, mom!)
Although it turned out the real game was growing up, some things never change: Real life, too, involves a lot of getting stuck. In fact, sometimes life just feels like one long loading screen between moments of actual progress.
But I think I’ve figured out how to break the cycle.
Kick, Punch, Jump—and That's it
You know how in video games, there are usually just a few basic moves you need to master to win? I’m pretty convinced life works the same way.
When you're feeling stuck, there are ultimately only three strategies you can use to get back in the game:
You can change yourself;
You can change your environment; or
You can fix whatever’s in front of you.
That’s it. Those are your options.
I mean, you could choose the time-honored tradition of complaining, but you’ll soon bore yourself and everyone around you because here's the truth:
No one’s coming to save you.
That’s right. If life's a game, none of us are Princess Peach.
So, if you’re ready to ditch the damsel mindset, dig up a walkthrough, and figure out the best way forward, I invite you to keep reading.
Strategy #1: Change Yourself
In Spiritual Terms: Vibrate at the highest frequency (authenticity) to attract your highest desires.
In Psychological Terms: Be your real self and express your truth so you filter for people and situations that fit you best.
Game Analogy: Change your character, or pick a whole new one.
Acting as your most authentic self creates magic—it sends out a clean, undistorted signal to the world. Once you're tuned to who you really are, the right people, opportunities, and experiences start magically showing up in response.
Sometimes, we enter new seasons of our lives that call for us to express parts others might not have seen. So, to keep that signal clean and undistorted, we need to remember to update our expression in line with how we're growing, a bit like equipping a new character skin in a game.
This could mean a new wardrobe that matches how you feel, perfecting a signature walk, or picking up a new hobby that says, “Yeah, I’m one of those people now.”
If others roll their eyes, ignore them.
Because the rejuvenation you feel from your new tattoo or tango class isn't just in your imagination. These changes are giving you an energetic “stat boost” because they're reconnecting you to archetypes and sources of energy you were born with but have forgotten.
Depending on how long ago you lost touch with these expressions, restoring them may feel like a bigger deal—kind of like erasing all your character stats so you can restart from scratch. But this is sometimes necessary when you realize the character you’ve been playing no longer matches the game you want to win.
An Illustration: The Time I Pissed Off My Teacher
When I was fifteen, I once told my teacher that her smile looked unhinged—like she had a touch of “crazy” energy. I figured she’d appreciate the heads-up since all her students were whispering about it anyway, but I was wrong.
Also, it turned out she was crazy.
I soon found myself cornered in the schoolyard. She’d apparently sat up the whole night stewing over what I’d said, and the conclusion she’d come to was that I was a terrible person.
She gave me a good scolding, and I swore never to hold the mirror up for another person again.
This was a problem for someone who now wants to make a career out of coaching.
Thankfully, other teachers (nicer ones) helped point me in the right direction. “Wise beyond her years” was a frequent comment, and it makes sense. I’m the only person I know who’s excited to get old.
Wrinkles and all, I’m readily awaiting my final form: eccentric and unbothered.
In the meantime, I lean on external sources of authority for however long I need to muster the confidence to offer my perspective. I wear glasses with no prescription because they make me feel smart, and I use my “doctor” title anywhere I can get away with it.
I don't do it to control how others perceive me.
I do it to control how I perceive me.
Because the way I see it, very little about our world is designed to inspire confidence in yourself. That means you've got to find confidence any way you can.
Any consistency you can create between your inner landscape and your external expression is granting you a boost. It helps prop up your self-perception as a smart, sexy, or savvy person in ways that create a spiral between your identity and behavior.1
This helps get your vibration ticking upward toward greater authenticity, and it’s from this place of authenticity that all those dreams you’ve been secretly scribbling about in your journal start showing up like magic.
Because when you’re playing your character right, the universe can’t help but reward you. The key is to wear your new identity lightly, and be willing to let it go when it stops serving you.
So go on.
Equip that ridiculous hat, redecorate your space like a witch’s lair, or sign up for that horse-riding class. Play your character shamelessly—because no one ever hit a high score by playing it safe.
Strategy #2: Change Your Environment
In Spiritual Terms: Expose yourself to new energy.
In Psychological Terms: Disrupt your brain’s “habit” pathways with new people, environments, or situations.
Game Analogy: Move around the map.
So maybe you’re showing up authentically, but everything still feels like a dead end?
One solution is to simply move around a bit.
This is the strategy I’ve used the least and am only now discovering.
I’ve stayed in one job for ten years and essentially lived in one city. Recently, my sense of satisfaction with both dried up all at once, and I very suddenly began to feel like my soul was dying.
When we don’t move around the map—when the scenery never changes—we start believing there’s nothing left for us. We begin to feel trapped and like victims of our own circumstances.
The temptation then is to stay in the comfortably paying job you’ve grown to hate, passing the time by complaining to your partner about it.
But do you really want to be one of those people? That’s like hanging out in the same dull corner of an open-world game, complaining that you’re bored.
Life works the same way if you’re operating with a limited mindset: You believe that your options are few and risky, but they’re usually not.
So snap out of it.
Take a trip. Go on a date. Sign up for a sport.
You'll be better for it if you shake things up because here’s what happens: Without its usual environmental cues telling it what to do, the habit-executing part of your brain gets confused.2
The result? You break autopilot, which forces a different part of the brain to light up instead.34
This brain region starts building fresh connections, which spark new ways of thinking and seeing the world.5 Colors seem brighter, details stand out, and you regain a childlike sense of awe as you’re dragged into the present moment by the sheer novelty of your surroundings.6
If Reality’s a Simulation, You Can Load a New Map
I mentioned before that I'm currently surrounded by boxes.
This is because I’m partway through packing up my life to become a digital nomad. After a short stint of travel, I was quickly sold on what I’d gain from changing up my surroundings, so I’m wasting little time in making it happen.
As I recently wrote to a friend while boarding a plane:
“Putting yourself in a new environment without any expectation about how it’s going to go is so valuable. If external reality is a simulation, traveling dumps out all the existing data and gives the universe a chance to load something new and interesting into your life.”
This is true in the spiritual sense because the universe needs plausible excuses to do its thing.
It would be too miraculous—and frankly reality-breaking—if everything you wanted magically landed on your doorstep. Traveling gives life the believable narrative it needs to deliver the miracles you’ve been waiting for.
But be warned: This novelty wears off.
Endless travel has diminishing returns.7 Move around the map too much and it stops feeling new.
When that happens, it’s wise to stop and inquire with your itchy feet—to check whether there’s something they’re trying to run from. Because there’s no getting away from your inner work, and you can’t outrun your demons.
So shake things up, but make sure you know when to settle back in.
Strategy #3: Fix Whatever’s in Front of You
In Spiritual Terms: Transform some chaos into order.
In Psychological Terms: Serve, create, and just generally “get to work.”
Game Analogy: Do some quests or grind.
So what if you’re acting completely like yourself, but you’re somewhere you don’t like and you can’t leave?
The answer: Fix whatever messes lie around you until a path forward reveals itself.
The world’s a mess. Your relationships probably need a tune-up. And I’ll bet there's at least one area of life where you could step up your game.
So, pick whatever mess is nearest and do whatever you do best to help clean it up.
Start by making yourself useful to yourself first.
The trending adage is to clean your room, and there’s wisdom in that.8 Because if you can’t put your own house in order, how can you expect to fix anything else?
Maybe the rattling of your fridge is driving you insane—fix it. Maybe there’s a tough conversation you need to have, but you’ve been putting it off—have it. Perhaps you need to ask for a raise you know you deserve—go for it.
Once you’ve tackled your own clutter, expand that usefulness out to your loved ones or people in your community.
Your friend who just got divorced and everyone’s tip-toeing around? Be the person who doesn’t. That old lady across the road—why not flip the script and bake her some cookies instead?
(She’ll never see it coming.)
This is the path of responsibility. It's where most of the magic happens, but we’d rather pretend otherwise for three reasons:
We’re so busy obsessing over the end rewards of our tasks that we forget to enjoy doing them.
We’re acting unconsciously or half dissociated out of habit.
We’re acting begrudgingly because we perceive ourselves as slaves to some force outside ourselves (e.g., obligation, “the man”).
Remember: Life’s a game. So what are you even doing if you're not having any fun?
To avoid all these traps, make sure you’re picking things to “fix” that bug you personally—not just the stuff you think you should do. Shoulder responsibility happily instead of resentfully, and you’ll soon find real meaning and satisfaction.
All it takes is to start small and gradually widen your sphere of influence. As you do, you’ll gain status and a reputation as someone who can get things done, which will open doors for you.9
So, if after all this, you still feel like bolting off on some grand adventure, go for it. Because chances are, the very act of showing up, taking responsibility, and putting good energy into the world has quietly cleared a path for you.
A Strategy Not to be Confused With Workaholism
This is the strategy I’ve used the most, and it’s left me burned out because I’ve neglected to balance it with the other two.
Because think about it:
When you're being authentic, you conserve energy—that makes life easier.
When you're in an environment that matches you, you find opportunities that fit you—that makes life easier too.
... and when you're me, you fail to consider these things. You grind away all day, and then spend your evenings exhausted from being fake as hell while in the wrong job and the wrong country.
(Maybe I’m not so wise after all).
But, for all my complaints, I’ve gotten a lot of good stuff done.
I’ve gained a lot of skills, lent an ear to a lot of friends, and written a lot of stuff that’s floating around the web helping people. This has been good because by witnessing myself be of use to the world around me, I’ve built a sturdy sense of self-worth.
My inner voice is nice to me, and I know I deserve nice things.
But, perhaps more importantly, I’ve spent the last couple years directing this get-shit-done energy toward transforming my relationships with more honesty, boundary-setting, and love. The result is that they either got better, or got let go.
So hopefully that gives you some inspiration for your own questing. But if you’re still not sure where to start, simply try this:
Sit down, close your eyes, and sincerely ask your conscience.
I bet it's got some ideas.
*Gulp*
Final Word: The Secret Fourth Strategy
I lied. There’s a fourth strategy—surrender.
But that’s a post for another day. And honestly, I couldn’t wedge it into my video game analogy (unless anyone knows a game where surrendering helps you win).
The bottom line?
Much like a well-designed open-world game, life runs best when three things click into place: You’re playing as your most authentic character, you’re in the right environment, and you’re tackling the quests right in front of you.
When these align, you hit flow—and suddenly, the game feels worth playing.
But remember: The trick isn’t to cling to one strategy. Experiment. Adjust. Pick up new gear when your old identity doesn’t fit. Change your setting when the landscape gets dull. Drop a quest if it no longer fits your storyline.
Because staying unstuck isn’t about reaching some final boss or collecting every achievement. It’s about playing the game lightly, knowing when to pivot, and embracing the level you’re on while staying curious about what’s next.
If you’re feeling stuck and trying to find your next move, I hope this post gave you the nudge you needed. If it did? Consider subscribing for more reflections on progress, resilience, and navigating life like the open-world adventure it is.
Oyserman, D., Fryberg, S. A., & Yoder, N. (2007). Identity-based motivation and health. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 93(6), 1011-1027.
Yin, H. H., & Knowlton, B. J. (2006). The role of the basal ganglia in habit formation. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 7(6), 464-476.
Wood, W., & Neal, D. T. (2007). A new look at habits and the habit-goal interface. Psychological Review, 114(4), 843-863.
Knight, R. T. (1996). Contribution of human hippocampal region to novelty detection. Nature, 383(6597), 256-259.
Clemenson, G. D., Deng, W., & Gage, F. H. (2015). Environmental enrichment and neurogenesis: From mice to humans. Current Opinion in Behavioral Sciences, 4, 56-62.
To me, all this sounds suspiciously similar to what happens when you take a psychedelic. But I checked, and the scientific jury’s still deliberating on that one.
Manson, M. (2018, June 7). The Backwards Law—why the best things in life must be let go. https://markmanson.net/the-backwards-law
Peterson, J. B. (2018). 12 Rules for life: An antidote to chaos. Random House Canada.
Ibid.