I Pissed Off the Internet and Made Something Useful Out of the Chaos

Vibe Report: Moderating the Battle of the Sexes—A Case Study in Transmuting the Collective Shadow

A few days ago, I said something opinionated on TikTok.

Within hours, I was neck-deep in comment section warfare, watching strangers argue over whether I was a genius or a disgrace to the nation.

Here’s the video:

@setfootCome for the beaches, leave heartbroken #datinginaustralia #australianmen #genderdynamics

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And here’s what I said, word-for-word:

“I’m just gonna say it: Australian men fucking suck. It’s like the culture of just not giving a shit has combined with a sense of entitlement, disconnect from their emotions… They think that caring about the safety and wellbeing of the women in their lives entitles them to sex. Then us Australian women are just acclimatized to this. You leave Australia—you go and interact with men from other places in the world—they treat you completely differently.”

The video ends with an appeal to my female audience: “Ladies, just get out... There is better stuff out there!”

Why I Said it, and What Happened Next

The video was spurred by a combination of things: A budding friendship with a kind man I met traveling, and my mother’s observations—she was born in the UK, moved to Australia, and independently came to a similar conclusion many years ago.

I figured it might stir a few pots—but I genuinely thought it would vanish into the TikTok ether like most bold-but-underwatched opinions do.

Instead, my phone started buzzing like it owed someone money.

The video exploded.

When You Hit a Nerve, Everyone Starts Twitching

The likes poured in. Mostly from women. But the comments? Less friendly.

Australian men flooded in to either argue or prove my point—telling me to go suck something or shack up with a herd of cats.

I watched in shock as the views catapulted into the thousands, not knowing what to do next. On the one hand, I was getting what I asked for—my channel was growing.

"Isn’t all attention good attention?" I wondered.

But my conscience was stirring.

I wasn’t willing to capitalize on a divisive message without at least trying to set things straight. So, a shower and a short bout of meditation later, I decided what I’d do...

I Facilitated Some Collective Shadow Work

It was clear I’d stirred up the collective shadow—a flash of truth wrapped in pain and frustration. I could have doubled down or deleted and retreated, but I didn’t.

I held the discomfort. Reflected. Reframed. And started a public process of shadow integration.

I started with a kind-of apology video. Not a hostage-tape apology, but an honest acknowledgment that the way I’d edited the video had stripped it of nuance and made it sound like a blanket statement.

I then laid out what I actually thought, which is this: Many Australian men (particularly those in the younger generation) aren’t taught to offer something really important to the women in their lives—something called containment.

A Brief Lesson on Containment

Containment is the quality of the masculine that holds the feminine. It’s analogous to a clamshell holding a pearl.¹

It’s the idea that men—not just as boyfriends, but as brothers, friends, and everyday humans—can bring emotional ballast. A kind of quiet steadiness that says: I’ve got you.

No expectations. No strings. Just presence.

It’s an old dynamic, buried in the scaffolding of traditional gender roles, so most of us never learned to name it. And now, as those roles dissolve, this quiet energetic contract is vanishing with them—leaving both men and women feeling the absence without knowing what, exactly, is gone.

When I first learned about containment, I was stunned.

This was the thing I hadn’t known I’d been missing. It was the unspoken dynamic that made my dating life so confusing and my unmet needs so invisible.

Men and women alike are forgetting about this deep, evolutionarily rooted dynamic, and so I thought people would resonate when I brought it up.

Sadly, most didn’t.

In fact, about 80% still called me a lesbian in the making and told me to get on a plane and stay gone.

But some started listening.

So, I Kept Going...

In follow-up videos, I continued the conversation.

I explored the passport bros movement, defined neofeminism, and talked about girlboss burnout. I looked at how Western cultural values have crowded out feminine softness and how men seeking connection are going overseas to cultures where those values still thrive.

I said that when women embody warmth, love, and receptivity, it creates space for men to step into provision and strength. And when men do that, it makes women feel safe to soften.

Some called this gender essentialism. Others called it truth.

Now my audience was a blend of angry men, defensive women, and a growing pocket of reasonable voices saying, “Okay, I see where you’re coming from.”

Each video became a chance to acknowledge a different piece of the puzzle: emotional dynamics, shifting gender roles, economics, class, generational trauma. And with each comment I replied to, I could point to a new video breaking down another angle of the conversation.

Quickly, this became the whole point.

It’s Not A vs. B. It’s A + B + C + D... = Z.

The reason I can stay so calm about all of this is simple:

I see this as a systems issue.

This isn’t about men vs. women, or feminism vs. masculinity. It’s about a tangled web of cultural, psychological, and economic shifts that have left all of us a little confused, a little defensive, and very, very tired.

We’re in a liminal space where the old maps don’t work. But instead of drawing new ones together, we’re lobbing rocks from opposite cliffs.

I was determined to use the mess I'd made to start a new conversation.

I wanted to use it as a space where people sat in the discomfort and where understanding rather than blame was the goal. Because understanding is what makes judgment soften. And from there, sometimes good things can grow.

Several videos later, and the comment section has evolved into something rare on the internet: People actually thinking, asking questions, and responding (mostly) like grown-ups.

From caps lock to common ground?

Nuance is a Hard Sell (But Worth It)

I could have folded. I could have taken down the video and let the criticism eat away at my self-trust.

But I didn’t. And I feel like that’s the bigger win.

I spent a long time being the person who shrinks, second-guesses, and swallows their truth to keep the peace. But this time, I didn’t silence myself. I clarified, expanded, and held space for other people’s truths without abandoning my own.

The result was that I got to play around at transmuting the collective shadow.

It’s been messy, uncomfortable, but apparently, worth it. It’s also what my intellectual heroes do—wade into cultural chaos, hold contradictions, and try to make sense of them without losing their dignity.

If I’ve managed even a fraction of that here, I’ll call it a victory.

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1. Swan, T. (2021, March 6). Containment - What a woman needs from a man in a relationship [Video]. YouTube.