The Gender Cold War—and How to End It
Why Women Shouldn’t Give Up on Men
Picture modern masculinity as a ship navigating without a compass.
Young men—the same ones who swung dramatically toward Trump in 2024—find themselves adrift in a sea of changing expectations, with their traditional anchors of identity cut loose and floating away on the cultural tide.1
They’re drifting. Aimless. Quietly collapsing.
Men are falling behind in education, disconnecting from social institutions, and retreating into digital corners of validation.23 Meanwhile, we women stand on the shoreline, arms crossed, muttering about how they should have packed a better map.
I’m about to commit the cardinal sin of internet discourse—suggesting that women might have some responsibility in this equation.
The Algorithm of Romantic Misdirection
Here’s the inconvenient truth: We’re busy blocking, ghosting, and lamenting the state of modern men while all simultaneously aiming our romantic attention at the same toxic sliver of the male population.
Dating apps are a strange economy where badly behaved men become artificially scarce resources. The men who’ve received the most positive reinforcement for their behavior are precisely the ones who’ve been taught they don’t need to evolve it.
It’s the 4% of men at the top—the ones we’re all chasing until we wise up to their game—that are casting a long shadow over the rest—the quiet majority that never even got the chance to disappoint us in the first place.4
Why Women Are Checking Out
Hurt and heartbroken, the cultural current then pushes us toward a comfortable narrative: We don't need them.
We’re boss bitches, independent women, self-sufficient queens.
Ask any woman subscribing to this philosophy, and she’ll likely unfold a personal history of male-inflicted wounds—fathers who vanished, boyfriends who betrayed, bosses who belittled.
These wounds are real. Valid. Deserving of acknowledgment.
That pain, combined with economic freedom and shifting gender norms, has given women more options. And that’s a good thing. But when too many of us opt out of connection altogether, everything starts to unravel.
What Most Women Really Want
Here’s where I’ll really lose friends:
What if our collective response—this mass retreat into feminine independence—isn’t actually healing anything? What if it's just calcifying our pain into something that looks suspiciously like empowerment?
Because here’s what I believe: Most women don’t want a man they can dominate.
We want men we can respect. And if we’re not finding them? That’s not a reason to turn our backs on men entirely. It’s a call to help them rise.
Women excel at emotional alchemy—transforming raw pain into processed wisdom. We dive into therapy, spiritual practice, and self-help with remarkable dedication. We “do the work.” But what's the point of all this inner excavation if we’re using it to build higher walls?
The irony will arrive with a soft knock at the door.
Your emotionally constipated brother will ask what therapist you see. Your dating app match will admit he doesn’t know how to process grief. Your father, approaching retirement, will wonder aloud about his purpose.
These aren’t requests for us to act as unpaid therapists or emotional rehabilitation centers. They’re invitations to witness something rare—men reaching across the divide.
I’m not suggesting martyrdom. I’m suggesting something more radical: Seeing men as complex humans worthy of the same nuanced understanding we demand for ourselves.
Disney Dreams and Unglamorous Groundwork
The Disney-fied romantic fantasies we’ve nursed since childhood?
They will require this unglamorous groundwork—not the sweeping-off-feet variety, but the showing-up-consistently kind. The kind where we extend the same compassion to struggling men that we readily offer our female friends.
Because what’s the alternative?
Men and women continuing to orbit each other with increasing suspicion, retreating further into gender-segregated corners of mutual incomprehension? That’s certainly one trajectory—one that feeds podcasters and content creators handsomely, but leaves actual humans increasingly isolated.
Understanding that when we help the men in our immediate circles navigate emotional terrain, we’re not just doing it for them—we’re doing it for every woman they’ll encounter afterward.
So help your friend. Help your father. Help your brother. Knowing that in doing so, you’re helping another woman out there—someone who’s hoping that one day, this man will have the capacity to love, to contain, to meet her with depth.
We’re all just walking each other home, as Ram Dass put it. And sometimes that means traversing uncomfortable terrain together, helping each other over the rough patches without keeping score of who stumbled more.
Thanks for reading. If this piece helped shift your perspective—even slightly—consider subscribing to The Aussie Mystic for more reflections on healing, culture, and the shared work of becoming something better—together.
Martin, M. (Host). (2024, November 12). Young men helped Trump retake the White House — a trend years in the making [Audio podcast episode]. In Morning Edition. NPR. https://www.npr.org/2024/11/12/nx-s1-5181804/young-men-helped-trump-retake-the-white-house-a-trend-years-in-the-making
Reeves, R. V. (2022, October 13). Boys left behind: Education gender gaps across the US. Brookings Institution. https://www.brookings.edu/articles/boys-left-behind-education-gender-gaps-across-the-us/
Speckhard, A., Ellenberg, M., Morton, J., & Ash, A. (2021). Involuntary celibates’ experiences of and grievance over sexual exclusion and the potential threat of violence among those active in an online incel forum. Journal of Strategic Security, 14(2), 89-121.
Peterson, J. B. (2022, July 25). How Tinder is reshaping human relationships [Video]. YouTube.